Don't worry, y'all, I'll get all the baby-making stuff out of my system once we've tried for a few months and I'm f'ing sick of it. But for now... Jess and I just had this conversation on IM and it's just easier to relay it that way.
HEATHER: So, I'm reading up on all these tips for conception, to help things along
HEATHER: And apparently
HEATHER: They tell you that lube is "hostile to sperm."
HEATHER: I... this isn't even really getting specific to say this, but I NEED LUBE, people. Most people DO. COME ON. GIVE A GIRL A BREAK.
JESSICA: All lube?
HEATHER: Well!
HEATHER: Not if you use... egg whites.
JESSICA: I feel like there must be some wack -- NO
HEATHER: Oh, but there's a SLIGHT RISK OF SALMONELLA.
JESSICA: I was going to say "wack European shit"
JESSICA: WHAT???
HEATHER: YES
JESSICA: YOU CAN NOT GET SALMONELLA IN YOUR VAGINA
JESSICA: I mean, you just don't want that.
HEATHER: They're all, "If you must use lube, use egg whites, although there is a slight risk of salmonella." WELL, SIGN ME UP!
JESSICA: Where did you read this?
JESSICA: WHAT IS YOUR SOURCE?
HEATHER: In my fertility book, and in a Fertility Friend mailing, which are separate but apparently equal. I saw it on Google somewhere too.
JESSICA: Oh, but I have solved your problem The Internet tells me: "They found that the Canola oil had no negative effects on sperm."
JESSICA: You can make a quiche up in there, with the oil and the eggs.
HEATHER: I cannot wait until I am making a womb quiche.
HEATHER: "Well, you're not PREGNANT, but brunch is ready."
JESSICA: Ha ha ha! That is gross. Take a picture of it for the baby book.
JESSICA: Your attempts to get knocked up have pushed us into gross-out humor territory.
HEATHER: I can't wait until we write the girl version of Knocked Up. About womb quiche.